being sexually harrassed too much in one day

I have once been quoted saying that I refuse to work in an establishment where I am not sexually advanced upon once a day.

Do I really want to be propositioned for sex daily? no. I just hate corporate rules that frown upon my oral sex jokes.

The reason for this rant has been snowballing for several days, starting with the gyno visit that included the pleasant conversation regarding the HPV that I now have. I consider myself to be a responsible gal when it comes to sex, so this was a bit of a shock to me. After talking to many friends and coming to terms that this is fairly common, I finally shook the notion that I was a nasty-ho.

Fast forward to yesterday morning. The night before I decided to spend the night at my man-toys house. Donning my work clothes from the previous night, I roll up to my house around 11am to find my 60yr old black toothless neighbor sitting outside his house listening to Chris Brown. I start to walk inside when I notice him coming over to the fence to talk to me. I really hate engaging in conversation with him because I have a hard time understanding him due to his lack of teeth and his use of Ebonics. However for this conversation, I heard every word.

neighbor : "Hi! How you doin?"

me: "Hey there" (walks to door)

neighbor: "You look like a hooker"

me: "What?"

neighbor: (smiling) "You've been out all night, I can tell. Your hairs all messed up"

me: "Ahh... yeah I went out with some friends last night..."

dickbag: "Hangin out with friends?... when are we gonna hang out?"

me: "ha...uhhh... i don't know..." (quickly goes inside and slams door)

Why didn't I tell him to go fuck a log? I don't know. I feel he is kinda senile and probably at the edge of death...

So feeling a bit busted that my walk of shame was seen by my neighbor and called out like a gay at a nascar race, I prepared for work hoping my day would get better.

Nope. While at work I had my ass grabbed by a kitchen guy.. wait let me re-phrase... not grabbed, but one cheek was full on palmed, squeezed, i was lifted and moved 3ft in front of me. Mind you I was wearing a skirt and he was dangerously close to some vag-lips. (i did pinch his butt first, so maybe I was asking for it) Then the same fuck picked me up and tried to lift me high enough to show others my ass... THEN after we closed one of the drunk bartenders pulled down my tank top strap and bra strap then walked behind me and lifted my skirt up.

now my behavior is playful and I enjoy some pretty fucked up humor... maybe this seems like an invite, but under no circumstance is anyone invited to touch me like that. And the worst part is, is that I didn't say anything back to any of these pricks! Instead I thought of wearing pants and covering up more. That's not cool. I used to consider myself a sassy fem, but I seriously let myself down here. How do I still keep the same relaxed, banter filled, work environment with out turning into sexual harassment panda?

Any Ideas? Any cool chicks out there ever have the line crossed and successfully fix the problem? Id love to hear how anyone else keeps the balance...

--TwistedPanty

I Hate(d) My Boss.

I got yelled at the other day at work. And not just a little, "Hey, Tara, you're not pre-bussing your tables, so Juan Pedro Luis Valdez-Bustamente had to stop holding up the server station, grabbing the hostess's ass, and texting on his pre-paid phone to go do some actual work!!"

No, it was a full on tirade and took about 5 minutes of my life of which I will never get back. He apparently heard from some back-stabbing piece of shit that I referred to him as "clueless" and said "he doesn't know how to run a restaurant." I did not deny it. (He doesn't. More on that later.) He stood there telling me that I'm hanging on by a thread and I should be lucky to have my job after the things I've said. "Oh please, please don't fire me from my WAITRESSING job!! I'll never find another one!"

I'm pretty sure that this is America and I am entitled to my opinion so I'm convinced the only thing I did wrong was to voice that opinion in a not-opinion-friendly atmosphere.

While he was yelling at me, the only thing I could think about was that GIANT shnoz. No joke, this fucking guy has a huge nose, which is normally a turn on for me. Not anymore, *shudders.* He was flailing his arms about and pointing and bobbing that head like a black girl in a movie theater. Oy.

Fast forward two months. I quit that shitass job for another one. This new job is at the local VFW where I get to wait on the most racist pieces of human waste I have ever had the misfortune of laying eyes on. I'm not even going to put any of it in print because it is just disgusting. If it were remotely funny, maybe, but it's just plain old offensive. Suffice it to say that most of the parties that are booked are for quinceaneras, enormous wedding receptions, you get where I'm going with this. Somehow this guy got it into his miniscule brain that I was anywhere near the same page as him, which I'm not. Let's put it this way: my daughter is dating a hispanic boy. He's great, I love the kid. We make jokes about him mowing my lawn but he laughs and if it bothered him, i would most certainly apologize and stop being an asshole. But I do not hate someone strictly for their race. I'm far too intelligent to make that kind of sterotypical, ignorant generalization about any group of individuals. In short: making jokes in private, okay; making disgustinly racist remarks in public, bad....very, very bad.

Oh, plus I made $9 on a Saturday night bartending shift. Figure that one out.

This, along with my daughter turning two and my husband's company closing up shop and moving, has made me rethink every move I will be making in my life. I am signing up for school again so that I may finishing getting my degree and get my butt into some type of writing, be it journalism, freelance short stories, what have you.

I'm looking forward to what the future will bring me and I may be writing a lot more on this blog as I will be dealing with what I consider to be the classiest folks in Joliet: the Junior College attendees.

Stay tuned! ~undies in a bunch

Cranky. Hrmpf.

Soooooooo.....

You know what i love? When people say they are coming to your party and then they don't.
I love planning to buy food for a certain amount of people and they don't show up. Then i get to have enough leftover crap to feed the very tiny country of Monaco. Ooh! Ooh! I LOVE that!!
I also love stressing out over not having enough seating for all of my friends only to realize that my friends really aren't my friends after all, apparently. I actually cried yesterday.

I love that the only ones of my 'friends' who bothered to show up (much less call) were my bff in from Nashville for a wedding, and my other bff who I know would rather be at home watching Family Guy. To you two, thank you so much for hanging out at my boring-ass lame fucking party. Granted, it was a party for my 8th grader's graduation so it really wasn't about me, and she had a killer time, so that's good.

But for those of you who gave me some asshole excuse about why you couldn't make it, go fuck your mother. Or a goat. Or yourself, or whatever. This isn't just for my 'friends,' either. There were some family members in there, too. I'm also going to throw in some of my daughter's friends who gave her excuses like "I'm not going because so and so's not going." Or the opposite, "I'm not going because so and so IS going." Huh??

When i was a kid, if i got invited to a party, or in this case, a grad party, i went, if only to get the hell out of my house. It was the last of social events until school started again because you know the kids with summer birthdays got the shaft, big time. They didn't get huge parties like the rest of us because there was no school in session for everyone to talk about it and build it up and there weren't all your peeps around you to help you decide who to invite and what music to play, etc. I've decided that most of the kids she goes to school with suck.

Anyways....I'm just annoyed today because i planned this for a few weeks, and the grad hat cupcakes took three people to put together because they were a bit tedious and i wanted people to actually SEE them.

I'm also annoyed at the people who say they are going to help you watch your toddler but don't because they are retarded. This one's for you mom, and grandma. (They aren't what you call computer savvy, so I'm not worried about them seeing this- ever.) My mother knows how to get under my skin with her glib comments like "you'll survive" and "you'll get through this" and "relax, breathe in, breathe out." Thanks Mrs. Miyagi. Just what i needed, useless advice.

Next time, throw me a fucking Percoset.

"Carpooling" Assholes

So here's what got my undies in a bunch today, or rather, got them so twisted and so far up my crack, they may never fucking come out.

I carpool with another family in the morning. May i just say a family of crazy christians? Okay then, I'm putting it out there into the universe.

I drive Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. They drive Tuesday and Thursday, except every other Thursday, when the kids go in late for "school improvement day," then they drive that Friday. You with me so far?

These idiots are late so often, that my kid is getting referrals constantly about how she needs to be on time for class and blah blah blah.

See, here's the thing- it doesn't matter if their kid is late, because she's not a student there, she only takes high school math there(as does my younger child), so they can't touch her if she's late. So, this is simply a case of "it doesn't matter to me, therefore, I won't care about you." Simple selfishness.

Might I also add...typical christians. First of all, the mom is forever trying to recruit me into her church, to which my heathen ass politely declines. There will come a day when I am not so polite. That day may be soon.

She calls and wants me to go to her Wednesday morning women's bible study group, which by it's very nature has me creeped out. I don't believe the bible has anything geared specifically toward women's rights except maybe...yeah...nevermind...they got nothing. Guess what I'm all about? You got it- women's rights. Birth control, abortion, voting, keeping my last name when i get married if i so choose, the whole bit. I am no one's property, nor will I allow myself to be treated as such. So the thought of sitting around with a bunch of other crazies while we talk about how we can be better wives makes me wanna stab someone in the eyeball with a crucifix.

She gets me into an hour long phone call as to why I am an atheist and her main argument is "well, you can't see Poland, but you know it's there, right?" To which I want to reply, "Yeah, but I can go there whenever I want to, and I don't have to be DEAD to do so." It's frustrating, to say the least.

My final point about how crazy these weirdos are is this- they lived in Croatia for five years because they were on a mission to stop ethnic cleansing in their own special way. How? By converting all the Muslims to Christians!!!! That's gotta be about as easy as asking Dina Lohan to stop acting like a coked-up old skeezer and start acting like a mom. Or asking the pope to please stop wearing white all the damn time. Or asking an eyes-glazed-over Katie Holmes-Cruise to lay off the Paxil/Zoloft/Lexapro cocktail so we can see some of the formerly sparkling personality of hers.

Done!

I thought developers were desperate to sell...

I've had it. I've really had it.

My mom passed away from cancer in December 2007. My siblings and I inherited quite a bit of money from it, and instead of squandering mine on worthless objects I decided I would purchase my own house. After some shopping around I found my little dream town home in Joliet. It was a new development, so I'd have to wait for it to be built, but the wait was 6 months which I didn't think would be too bad.

I signed my contract in February 2008 and was given an approximate closing date of "August/September 2008". I was told they would be starting the framing of the building very soon and in 6 months I would be able to move. I was so freakin' excited, I went to tour the model home about 10 times.

Fast foward a little bit: March, no progress. April, no progress. May, no progress. I was given no update other than "They'll be starting framing in May!" Then I'm told that they can't build my house for a long time because the other units haven't sold. Why wasn't I told this? It's been 3 months...

So, the 'corporate' office offers to sell me 1) the model home or 2) one of the already built ones. The already built ones are out because they only include the standard floor plan, not the upgraded one that I had put in my contract. The model home wouldn't be too bad - it's only missing a few things I wanted. My contract house price was around $206,000. I emailed them to see 1) how long the wait would be to move into the model and 2) how much of a discount I would get off of it for it being a model.

Imagine my dismay when the price came back $240,000 but it could be all mine for $216,000. There was no model discount, the $216,000 only included the regular discounts they were offering on 50% off upgrades. Instead they would just like $10,000 more of my dollars for inconveniencing me. If they had said $195,000 I would have been happy. But I'm not paying more or even the same price for a house that doesn't include the stuff I wanted.

And so now what was supposed to be a good thing that would help me honor my mom's memory by not pissing away her money on worthless crap has turned into a nightmare for me which will have to involve hiring a lawyer to get out of my contract and get my $4,000 deposit back.

Thanks, Timber Oaks LLC Joliet from Kipling Homes. You suck ass.

Unsolicited advice and the d-bags that give it out...

This will be a quickie, I promise, and all you have to do is lay there...

I started a website for my home-based business, yay me. Against my better judgment, i decided to ask my myspace 'friends' what they though of it in a preliminary fashion. I stated clearly that i didn't care if sounded like an asshole, but i didn't want to look like i had a fourth grade education. For the most part, i got a lot of "yay you!" and "it's hilarious, i can totally see you saying that stuff!"
some people even told me to capitalize my i's, which i know, i have a bad habit of not doing.

Then i got a shitty message from someone i have never met and will never meet who told me i sounded like an angry checkout girl. She went on to say that she would never buy my goodies because of my attitude. She told me that older people would be offended my nastiness.

I'm pretty sure i didn't ask what you though of my personality, you cunty, wrinkled fucktard. I wanted input on the fonts, layout, etc.

I was fairly nice back when i told her that i had no intention of changing my personality- regardless of money- because some old hag can't take a joke. I ended up changing a lot of it anyway because I'm trying to sound funny, not mean, and i guess not everyone gets my sense of humor.

That's it. I'm done. Undies un-bunched.

Metrosexual, or copying the gays you hate...

I am a little lost with this whole metro-sexual craze and where/when in the hell it started.


As far back as I can remember, and even farther back if you look at history, the “straight men” of this world (and furthermore this nation) have done nothing but belittle and torture gay men for living their lives. If you are gay, or know of any gay men, then you have probably heard of this happening. By the end of this little rant you will see just how incompetent, mindless, and useless most of these “straight men” are. Now, I must add that not all “straight men” need be lumped into this group, because there are a select few who do not belong there, although 98% of them do.

These “straight men” have been known to say such things as “faggot, queer, queen, pussy, sissy etc.”, and if you were to ask them why they do this or why they assume that the person in which they are heckling are indeed gay they would respond “for a number of reasons." Some of these reasons being; the way he is dressed, does his hair, walks, waxes his eye brows/legs/arms, his highlights, earrings, nipple rings, tanning, manicures, pedicures, and so on and so on.

The most irritating part of all this was that most of them look like dumpy old unwashed miscreants. Within the last few years, these “straight men” have become hypocrites to the fact that they now have been doing exactly what they have made fun of for all these years. I have seen some of the transition first hand; the clothing they now wear, the fact that they frequent salons instead of barbershops to get their hair/highlights, nails, eyebrows, facials, etc. done, and even product lines like Clinique and Lancôme have started releasing men’s lines of makeup. I have also seen mannerisms change and them acting more and more gay in mocking ways at first, but in much more convincing ways than gay men themselves. The piercings and hair removal and tanning have also increased immensely. The way around them not being called such names as mentioned earlier was to make up a whole new word and way of life by naming these “straight men” metrosexuals.

The term “metrosexual” is just a cop out and I think it should be called exactly what it is- “thank you gay men.” For showing us the ways of the world so that women may look and gay men may look at us without wanting to vomit. While on the topic of gay men looking at straight men, I think it should be noted that just because a gay man looks at you or compliments you, it does not mean that he wants to touch you, or better yet, to fuck you.

You hit on women all the time and get turned down, because believe it or not you are not the end all of the entire world!

When you say “I am cool with gay guys as long as they don’t try to hit on me” you should look in the mirror and think if you are even worthy of that gay guy hitting on you.

One last point on this subject is on hate crimes. Straight men beat and kill gay men far too often and always with the defense “but they hit on me, or touched me, or I just hate faggots." If this is the case, then almost every man on the planet would be hospitalized/dead because thats what happens to women constantly.

In closing I must also say that most women do not find it cool or sexy when a man has a need to scream hateful things at other men just to seem like an alpha male. Most women I this world would just look at you for exactly what you are, a hateful fucking d-bag asshole.